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After Death Comes Bereavement The only thing certain in our lives is death. Coming to terms with the death of a loved one is called bereavement. Bereavement has a number of stages. It is important to realise that the initial phases of bereavement are very difficult. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. The problem with death is the finality of it. The realisation of our mortality comes to haunt us and people specifically wish to make sense of life. On NHS Exposed, we have been repeatedly asked about bereavement. For some people who visit this site, bereavement and the confusion of the possibility of medical neglect makes the process worse. From our experience most people recover from bereavement when the circumstances involved around their loved one's death is explained to them truthfully. Often doctors who are truthful about the circumstances of death may well save unnecessary litigation in the future. Anger is part of bereavement and often the cards around A and E advertising medical negligence lawyers are the first port of call for those who feel that mistakes were made in the care. It is important to go through bereavement before making any decision to take legal action. Legal action does not equal justice. From our own experience, we have been involved in a number of cases were simple explanations and honesty have prevented litigation. The relatives we have come across have been happy with answers to their questions based on evidence. Often those who fight for so called justice still have some unresolved bereavement issues. The antagonism faced by this group of people is a product of miscommunication between themselves and the medical profession. This internet site has the resources and information to make the understanding of various medical situations easier. The article below is written for those who would like to understand bereavement and provides self-help resources. Please email us at bereavement@nhs-exposed.com if you wish to add a link or have any suggestions
The emotions covering these painful times in our lives are very complex and stressful. The loss of a loved on can be devastating for those of us left behind, and is something that most of us will experience at one point in our lives. Everyone affected by grief reacts in a different way, and people take varying lengths of time to recover. Some are strong enough do this alone, while others cope better with the support of close friends and family. Some people, however, and it appears to be a growing number in today's society, will need some extra help, perhaps from a professional bereavement counselor, or a support group. If you do need help, then don't be afraid to reach out for it. Visit your GP or contact one of the organisations listed below. Association for Death Education and Counseling CRUSE Dr. Henya Kagan (Klein) Compassion At Work Beyond Grieving GotTrouble.com: Grief Counseling The Fellow Traveler Online Edgebrook Designed Thinking Cairns Grief Counseling and Support Precious Gems Counseling Services Share Grief You will certainly not be the first person to need external help, or the last. Many people benefit from bereavement counseling and there are now hundreds of bereavement support groups all over the country. It is better, by far, to take control of, and try to remedy our grief and anxieties during the beginning stages, instead of letting it control you for months, or even years. Unresolved grief can lead to serious mental health problems, that could in themselves cause you to need treatment and professional help. It is good to know, however, that few bereaved people suffer to this extent. As unlikely as it will seem, in the immediate aftermath of an unexpected death, there is little doubt that time is indeed a great healer, and that loved ones will always live on through our memories of them, though we may well miss them very much. For those who genuinely feel that some outside help would be welcome, they can contact The National Association of Bereavement Service at 20 Norton Folgate, London E16DB (tel 020 7247 1080), which offers advice on bereavement help organisations, among other things. There really are multitudes of people out there; only too willing to give whatever help and support they can, to those bereaved persons who really thought they had nowhere to turn. All they need do is ask. OTHER RESOURCES When a Child Dies Euthanasia Grief Less Severe Cash Saves Bereavement Centre Scheme to Aid Suicide Bereaved Bereaved Children Mother's Bereaved Aid for Parents Bereaved Couple Reject Payout Grieving a Grown Up Child Providing Emotional First Aid Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement Grief Resource Centre Child Bereavement Trust The Bereavement Journey
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Perhaps
one of the most traumatic emotions we ever experience is the grief
that overwhelms us when a loved one dies. Bereavement involves a
grievous sense of loss, not just that of losing the person concerned,
but also the feeling that one has lost one's own future, somehow.
Hopes, health, self-esteem, and dignity seem unimportant, somehow,
when confronted with one's own mortality.
The
process of bereavement must often be very similar for both those who
are dying, and those who are forced to witness death. Terminally ill
people may appear to have a more philosophical outlook on death, but
in reality they fear it as much as anyone else. That is why bereaved
people should be allowed to work through their grief in their own
time, because it is hardly something that can be speedily dealt with.
There
are stages of grief that it is important to recognise, and be aware
of, if you wish to help those emotional wounds to heal more quickly.
Shock is usually the first response, most often described as a feeling
of numbness. However feelings can include pain or calm and apathy. It
is as if the feelings are so strong that they are turned off, this can
last from a few seconds to a few weeks.
This
may be followed by disorganisation, the bereaved person feeling
themselves to be unable to do the simplest thing or, alternatively,
able to organise the entire funeral - and then collapsing with
emotional exhaustion. Next comes denial, usually an early feature of
grief, but also a defence against feeling too much pain at once. In
denial the bereaved behaves as if the deceased were still alive.
Depression
follows, growing less intense over time, though guilt, be both real
and imagined, for imagined neglect of the deceased, when they were
still alive, or for angry thoughts or feelings toward them, is a very
common reaction. Anxiety, about the possibility of losing control of
one's feelings, of going mad, or more general apprehension about the
future, is also well known.
Feelings
of aggression are not uncommon either, and can range from irritability
towards family and friends, to outbursts of anger towards God or fate,
doctors and nurses, the clergy or even the person who had died. All of
these are attempts at controlling one's own inner turmoil, until
acceptance of the death finally takes command of your thinking.